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The One Thing Psychology Researchers Found Most Destructive to Relationships

At some point in our lives, we all experience a relationship that fails. Whether it is a romantic partnership, a friendship, or a family tie, the pain of separation can be devastating. While there are many factors that contribute to the breakdown of relationships, researchers in psychology have found one that stands out as the most destructive.

In a groundbreaking study that lasted for fifty years, researchers analyzed the behavior of thousands of couples to identify patterns that led to either success or failure in relationships. The results were surprising, as they showed that the one thing that most often destroyed relationships was not what people typically think.

The Surprising Finding

Contrary to popular belief, the most destructive factor in relationships was not infidelity, lack of communication, or even financial stress. It was contempt.

Contempt is a feeling of disrespect and disgust towards another person. It can manifest in many forms, such as eye-rolling, sneering, sarcasm, or insults. While all relationships experience moments of conflict and disagreement, contempt is different because it conveys a fundamental lack of regard for the other person's worth and dignity.

According to the researchers, contempt is the most potent predictor of divorce. Couples who displayed contemptuous behavior towards each other were far more likely to end up separated or divorced than those who did not. In fact, the presence of contempt was so strong that the researchers could predict divorce with 93% accuracy based on observing just a few minutes of a couple's interaction.

The Damage of Contempt

Contempt is not only a sign of a failing relationship but also a cause of it. When one partner feels disrespected and devalued, they are less likely to feel affectionate and supportive towards the other. They may withdraw, lash out, or retaliate, which can create a cycle of negativity that erodes the foundation of the relationship.

Moreover, contempt can have a long-term impact on one's health and well-being. Studies have shown that people who experience high levels of contempt in their relationships are more prone to depression, anxiety, and physical illness. They also tend to have lower self-esteem and lower immune function, which can make them more vulnerable to stress and disease.

Overcoming Contempt

The good news is that contempt is not an innate trait but a learned behavior. That means it can be unlearned as well. Couples who want to save their relationship from contempt can take proactive steps to recognize, address, and heal from the damage it has caused.